I am in a rather paradoxical situation, in that without modern medicine, I wouldnt be here. I was born three months premature and it was the facilities of the neonatal intensive care unit that saved me, but for me, medicine took a step too far and sent me on a downward spiral of allopathic damage.
One of my first childhood memories was being taken to the doctor for my pre-school single measles shot at three years old.
I remember my mother asking the GP if he was going to do the shot in my arm or my leg. He replied that he would do it in my backside. So he pulled down my trousers, leant me across his desk and jabbed me. I screamed, not from pain as it didnt hurt that much, but from the shock and indignity of having my clothes removed and being pushed into his desk. I felt as if Id just been attacked, and couldnt understand why they had done that to me and it has stayed in my mind ever since.
I developed an ear infection afterwards and from that point on, had problems with repeated infections both in my ears and fungal infections of my feet.
I was taken to hospital, semi-conscious and diagnosed with a Meningitis type illness, so my mother told me.
All I remember is drifting in and out of awareness on a hospital bed, having all sorts of needles and tests, and trying to hit my mother, who ran out of the cubicle in tears.
She, of course, did not make the connection between that and my vaccinations.
Over subsequent years I suffered with continual flu, colds, stomach bugs and earaches until at age 11, I collapsed in a restaurant, unconscious. My vision was affected. I was seeing double. Any movement would cause me to become dizzy and disorientated, and my head hurt badly.
I had three months off school through ill health, having tests at the hospital, most of my time confined to my bed. They never did make a diagnosis, but I developed migraines as a consequence.
At age 13, it was time for my BCG jab so I lined up dutifully with all the other kids. After hed done the shot, he handed me this blue card, detailing side-effects of the vaccine. I thought, its a bit late now. Youve already given me the shot. Shouldnt I have been aware of this before?
It struck me as really unethical that I wasnt given the information until afterwards and sparked off a myriad of thoughts, like, how can they expect people to be healthy if theyre injecting them with germs? On that day I vowed to look into it before I had my own children.
After that jab I was afflicted with more earaches over several months until my ear drums burst. I was totally deaf for two days. So it was off to the doctor again where he confirmed my ear drums were a mass of scars. That was the start of an 11 year, constant earache that meant I was in pain every day of my life. I stopped listening to music or going to discos, or anything else that teenagers do, because any noise hurt me.
As well as this, I had repeated vaginal infections and a burning pain in my vulva which wouldnt go away. I lost a lot of my sexual function. It hurt to urinate and getting into a bath was agony. I had to give up horse riding, one of my favourite sports, because contact with the saddle hurt me.
I suffered with this for four years, too ashamed to mention it, until I fell in love and had no choice but to tell.
It took a further two years of visits to GPs, hospitals and GU clinics before they diagnosed me with Vulvodynia a chronic neuropathic pain disorder of the vulva. Basically, my nerves were damaged in that area. I was 18 years old, and they told me it was for life. I was not able to have sex at all, unless plastered in steroid cream, and even then, it hurt.
The birth of my first daughter was a blessing, for after each childbirth, the pain became less, until by the time we had our third baby, we were able to have some sort of regular intimacy.
In 2000, after years of consultations, X-rays and hearing tests, they also diagnosed me with hyperacusis, another neuropathic pain disorder, caused by changes in the electrical impulses of my brain. My tolerance of sound had totally collapsed, to the point where I couldnt even bear my own childs voice.
Hyperacusis is on the autism spectrum, it's classed as an ASD. It is the reason why autistic children don't like noise. They're not being introverted, they don't like noise because it HURTS LIKE HELL. Any noise, even normal noise like cutlery or opening a drawer, sounds like someone has put a road drill next to your head. The pain is unbelievable. What is even more unbelievable is that I had to live in this sort of pain for 11 years, with little understanding and no help from the medical profession. Up until my BCG jab, I had no problems with my ears, no pain, no hearing issues and no ASD. Suddenly, in my teenage years I developed all these.
Hyperacusis is rare. Officially, it occurs in one in 50,000 people. It is only caused by three things. The first is head trauma, some type of brain injury. The second is a very loud noise like a bomb, the third is a drug reaction.
Well, I hadn't had any head trauma, there'd been no bombs or guns near me, so that only left a drug reaction and the only drug I'd had was BCG.
My marriage was put under terrible strain; we werent able to socialise and sometimes even watching the TV was impossible. I became depressed and my self-esteem plummeted through the effort of living with constant pain.
My ENT specialist told me the nerves could be re-trained by noise therapy that is, exposing myself to loud noises until I crashed through the pain barrier. I did this turning the radio up loud, sitting by the vacuum cleaner and going into noisy bars for a year, in excruciating pain, until one day I woke up and the pain was gone, gone after 11 years! I am still scarred and get earaches easily, but I am finally free of hyperacusis.
I fixed my overall constitution with a wholefood vegan diet and vitamin C supplementation so the once a month flu and colds cleared up, too. I learnt how to stop my migraines with peppermint tea and of course I never got anymore vaccines after the BCG at 13.
My gynaecologist has recently told me that the vulvodynia neednt be for life and I can re-train my nerves there, too. I use lidocaine anaesthetic to numb myself so the pain response is switched off. After another year or two, I hope that when I stop using it, my nerves will have regenerated normally.
My doctor has told me they have cured people with acupuncture, so that will be my next move.
When people talk to me about the dangers of measles, which was once thought of as mild as chickenpox, I think to myself I would rather have a self-limiting infectious disease, than suffer for 18 years with chronic pain and ill health.
So when they tell you itll only hurt your child for a second, just think, it might end up hurting him for life.
A few years ago I decided to read Andrew Wakefield's famous case study again. I'd read it the day it was published, but since the media insisted on saying that he said MMR caused autism, I decided to read it again. As I read the case histories of the children, I was horrified to see that some of them had developed hyperacusis as part of their autism after MMR. That solidified a long held instinct that BCG had been responsible for my decline in health.
I cried when I read it, cried because I was validated when doctor's had told me I was imagining it (and then later diagnosed me and forgot they said that) cried for the 11 years of total suffering, for the youth I lost out on and all the things my husband and children had to miss because I was chronically ill, but most of all, I cried for the countless perfect little children who are born healthy and then desend into an abyss of pain, agony and disability in the name of vaccination.
Some parents say they would rather have an autistic child than a dead one, but to suffer constantly as I did is worse than death. Imagine you are a child and that your mother's voice hurts you (as my relatives voices did), that you can't watch TV or go to a restaurant because you are in so much pain. Mummy gives you a birthday cake, everyone starts clapping and you're wincing because you're in so much pain. You dread computer studies at school because the sound of the printer is torture, you can't go to prom, you can't even answer the phone and socialising on the internet is impossible because the fan is too loud. Every time someone vacuums, you want to scream. You can't sleep at night because it hurts lying on your ears. Bath times are equally terrifying because if you get any water in your ears, God help you. Add in the nerve damage pain, constant infections, dizziness, searing headaches, utter loneliness and depression that your parents don't know what you are going through and the doctors don't care enough to help you, or maybe they just can't.
I had no quality of life for years and at several points wanted to die just to relieve my pain, so don't ever think an ASD or vaccine disability is better than death, it really isn't and I would never wish that on a child.
I am much better now, but it took years to get there and I am still on four different medications with multiple health problems. That is why I will continue to put the studies out there that show vaccines harm, to prevent other families going through the hell that I suffered.
In addition to my own chronic ill health, I have known numerous people in my personal life who have been adversely affected or killed by vaccination.
When I was in high school, there were only two girls in the whole school with disabilities - myself and this friend of mine who had chronic juvenille arthritis which was so bad she was crippled up in a wheelchair, on dozens of meds to both control pain and manage the condition. Unfortunately the meds also damaged her stomach so she was in hospital on and off throughout our school life. She had told me that she'd had arthritis since the age of 2, but I didn't think anything of it.
Years later after I had my daughter and was visiting this friend, she told me that her juvenille arthritis had come on after her single measles jab. I was astounded. I knew about the dangers of vaccines by then, but it never occured to me that she was vaccine damaged.
She now lives in a warden controlled home for disabled people because her disability is too severe to live completely independently.
During my high school years, my mother had also chosen to have a flu vaccination and she was struck down by flu immediately afterwards. The first time it happened, she passed it off as a coincidence and so she had another flu jab the following year and the same thing happened. She was so ill she couldn't get out of bed for two weeks and had to get her friend to come and take us to school. She realised then that the flu jab had given her the flu and she vowed never to have one again. My mother was pro-vaccine and refused to research, but after her experience she was anti the flu vaccine.
Our pet dog Sky had all her shots as a puppy. She had been born in our house, along with her two brothers and two sisters and had been in perfect health since birth. After her shots at 8 weeks, she developed this awful skin rash. She lost patches of hair and her skin underneath was raw and bleeding. The vet then prescribed some type of steroid cream.
As well as this, she would go all 'spacey' and just stare at nothing and sometimes her limbs would jerk. I didn't know at the time, but these were fits. She had these in bouts, particularly if she got excited. Any sort of strong emotion would trigger off an episode.
I didn't think anything about it until years later when I saw some photographs in a vaccine damage book by Catherine O Driscoll of Cannine Health Concern and I realised that Sky had looked exactly like that.
My mother later married a dog breeder who, although he gave the initial puppy shots, was against annual vaccination on account of the damage it did to dog's immune systems.
Years later when I got married, an aunt of mine wrote to me about my wedding and asked what I was doing with my life. I told her about VAN UK. She wrote back and told me that she too was questioning vaccination because she'd taken her black labrador to the vet for his shots and he had been in perfect health. On the way home from the vet, he collapsed and died of a heart attack. She wished me all the best with the charity.
When I had my babies and took them to the doctor, I often had the misfortune of sitting in the baby clinic while the babies were waiting for their shots and I'd listen in on the conversations of other mums:
'I hate these vaccinations, my baby always screams and cries for days afterwards.'
'Oh, I know, mine screams for days too, and it always makes him so sick', agreed the other mum, 'but you have to, don't you?'
I cringed. I knew screaming for days was an adverse event - cri encephalique - indicative of brain swelling. I wanted to jump up and down and shout
'NO, you don't HAVE to!', but I couldn't.
Every mother in the room was complaining about how ill vaccinations made her baby, and all around me was the sound of babies and toddlers crying from the pain of jabs, and this was supposed to be a HEALTH facility!? After we were pressured about vaccination every time we went in and the GP refused to even examine our child unless we consented to vaccination, we decided they were just disease mongers and we got ourselves a homeopath and chiropractor. On the rare occassion we go to the GP it is purely for diagnostic purposes and I refuse to go during 'baby clinic'.
A neighbour of ours ran a cafe next to our house and we often had conversations over the garden wall and one day he told us his little girl was sick. I enquired as to what her illness was and he told me
'Rubella - the GP just diagnosed it as rubella'. He complained that his little girl had had the MMR jab and 'it makes you wonder what they're for if you still get rubella after the shot.'
I gave him a copy of my original booklet, 'Everything There Is To Know About Vaccination', but that just confused him. He said he didn't know who to believe. I would have thought the proof was in the pudding.
My mother in law's workmate who was a nurse, had to get Hep B shots every 5 years or lose her job. She experienced blackout's after the first vaccination and by the second, she developed chronic ME. She submitted to the jabs to keep her job, yet they crippled her up with extreme exhaustion and flu like symptoms to the point where she couldn't work and had to take early retirement. She was living on disablement benefit in her 40's, when my mother in law asked me for more information on shots.
My father in law decided that he would get his flu jab. He had never actually had flu, as far as I was aware. He never seemed to get ill when other people did, yet he was persuaded by his doctor to have the shot. Just like my mother, he got flu straight away. Unfortunately for him, though, it developed into pneumonia.
He had been driving his car and he passed out at the wheel due to the pneumonia and crashed the car. We got a call that he was in hospital with pneumonia and some minor injuries from the car accident, after a concerned motorist had found him unconscious in the driving seat.
After a short stay in hospital, he recovered, but just like my mother, didn't link the shot to his condition so he had another jab the next year. The same thing happened again. He got flu really badly. This time he realised what was going on, as he had never been prone to flu before. He vowed never to have the flu jab again.
Unfortunately for him, it had already damaged his immune system so he got flu again even after stopping the shot. It developed into pneumonia again and because his lungs were already scarred from the first time, he didn't recover.
He died after 13 days in intensive care, at the age of only 60. We consider it was a vaccine death.
A few years later, my editor at The Mother magazine told me that her mother in law had got a flu jab, took ill immediately afterwards, and died a few days later. They considered it a vaccine poisoning death as she'd had symptoms from the time of her shot until her death.
Just last year, a friend of ours at our home education group, told us that her father in law had had the flu shot and literally collapsed and died. I was annoyed because they knew us and knew where to find information if they wanted to, and I felt like he went and killed himself.
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.
My neighbours at my current home get their flu jabs every year, in addition to Hep B for work, and complained to me
'It always makes us so sick for two weeks afterwards. I dread it because I know what it's going to do.'
I asked them why they still get the shot, then, and they replied that 'they would be ill all year if they didn't', and that they always get sick with everything.
Just two days ago he told me he'd had flu recently. I said
'I thought you had the shot?'
'I did', he replied, 'but it didn't work.'
I was privately thinking that the shot may have caused his flu, but didn't say so, especially when they told me that they would pay for another shot even though the last ones made them sick and didn't work.
I wanted to tell them about mercury in flu shots but after years of running VAN and the hate mail I sometimes get, I don't give people information unless I am asked.
Since setting up VAN UK I have also heard thousands of damage cases from encephalitis after a shot to Gulf War Syndrome in a soldier who had 30 vaccinations in one month.
I have seen how vaccinations cause havoc to the immune system and ruin health and people around me have been affected by them for my whole life. I don't believe they have anything to do with health, other than to destroy it, and my anecdotal evidence is easily supported by medical journals.
On the 17th December 2009 after going to a Christmas party, I was travelling back in a taxi and the taxi driver was talking about the state of the government and what a mess they were making of everything.
I asked him what he thought about swine flu, not mentioning vaccines at all.
He told me he was asthmatic and usually had a normal flu shot every year but this year the doctor asked him to have the H1N1 jab as well, so he did and he got flu really badly, so much so that he was bed ridden for two weeks and it had started the day after the shot.
I asked him how he was feeling now and he said he still didn't feel 100% and his chest had been rattling ever since. I extended my apologies for this and asked him if he was going to get another H1N1 shot.
'No, in fact I'm done with the normal shots too, no more after this. I'm not having anymore of any shot. If they can give you the flu they don't work anyway.'
I told him I was glad and then I went home.
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